And With That, We Come to an End..

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This year has been a funny sort of year.  I’ve spoken to many people who are glad to see the back of 2013.  Some of them have had a difficult year, some have had a terrible year and they are hoping for something better in 2014.  Then there are others who’ve had a wonderful year, fallen in love, gotten engaged and married and those who have welcomed new life into the world.

For me, it’s not been a terrible year but it hasn’t been fantastic either and it is with mixed feelings I see it coming to a close and I am definitely looking forward to what the new year may bring.

It started out as a year full of promise for me.  Work wise, I had a challenging new boss but I decided to start the year as I meant to go on, open to all things new and determined to make the best of it.  My first day back after my holidays I was blindsided by someone I thought of as a close colleague, a friend even, and things went to hell in a hand basket after that.  But I managed to find another job, a promotion but much longer hours and travel and this has taken some adjustment in my little family, who I love so much.

Love wise, well nothing as usual.  People say never say never but I look back over every year of bad dates and disappointments and I just have to say well maybe it’s not for me.

But with this up and down, not so great but not truly awful year, I’ve definitely learned a few things:

I’ve learned that often people will let you down and that this is their burden to bear, not yours.  I’ve learned that 14 is the terrible twos of the teenage years and that you just have ride the storm.  I’ve learned that some people just will not let go and the unfairness of it all is not a pill which cures the relentless pursuit of that person’s anger, no matter how much you shout about it.  I’ve learned that my relationship with my mother isn’t as good as I thought it was and that is due to complacency on both of our parts and an ease with which we (as adult children) can slip back into the roles of our childhoods.  I’ve learned that if you make an effort and truly put yourself out there for another person, it can help make their day a little better and that is a good thing for all concerned.  I’ve learned that I am not very good at dating and that I set up so many barriers from the moment I meet someone that it is doomed to fail from the start.  I guess this way I can never been really hurt again.  I’ve learned that despite the fact I consider myself a social being, I spend a lot of time on my own, which is of my own making and that I wish it wasn’t so.  I’ve learned that the older I get, the more fearful I’ve become and this is not good for me.  I’ve learned that comfort food is no comfort at all and that in the end it’s only discomfort it brings.  I’ve learned that it really does feel great to move and eat well and look after my body.  I also learned, due to some old photographs unearthed in my mother’s home, that I never was the grossly overweight, unattractive woman I was convinced I must be and that I was in fact, a lovely, very normal looking (even slim) young woman who wasted years trying to contort herself into the image being projected onto her.  I also learned that sometimes I am the crap friend, a hard admission to make but it is the truth.

There are so many other things I learned including that despite my desire to be otherwise, I am not a naturally talented writer and I have to actually work quite a bit harder than I do if I wish to make something, anything, out of this hobby of mine which I love.  And with that lesson I have decided to close down this blog which never really took off, not least of all due to my lack of concerted effort, and concentrate on another writing project.

I hope that regular readers.. I know you’re out there… will take a moment to reflect on any lessons learned this year and share them here.  I would really love to read what you have to say.

Thanks for reading… see you in 2014.

Best,

Alice

 

Giving Up on Love..

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I haven’t blogged for a while so it’s interesting (at least to me) that the first post I’ve written for some time, about giving up on love, directly follows the post I wrote about dating again.  Which I’ve given up on.  Again.

When I was younger I believed there was someone for everyone and that eventually you would meet that someone.  Which I did.  Then we got married and it changed very quickly afterwards and it turned out that someone wasn’t my one after all.  After the sadness started to ebb away and I got a bit excited about being single again I hit the dating scene and I eventually realised that for me, it just wasn’t going to work.  I’ve been out on too many dates to count here (although keep your eyes peeled for my new book about this very subject… due out just as soon as I finish writing it) and I’ve met at least one man that I liked very much but that is all.  There really hasn’t been anyone else.  That’s one hell of a dry spell my friends!

Recently I started listening to Dan Savage, an eye opening, jaw dropping experience if every there was one.  Most of what he talks about I have to Google to find out what it means, but I’ve come to share one of his views.   That whilst there is probably more than one someone for everyone (there has to be right?  I mean what if your person was born on the other side of the world and neither of you ever travel..hardly anyone would ever meet up), there are some people for whom the single life is the life they are going to lead.  This is the life I’m pretty sure I am going to lead and this is okay.  Admittedly, I do miss sex.  I miss it a lot, a really, really lot.  You know how they say that women in their 40’s are in their prime?  I believe this to be absolutely true so it’s extra difficult to go without (at least in the traditional sense) but I know myself well enough to know that I can’t just bonk and say bye-bye.  So there will be no one nighters for me, because even in my fantasies the guy stays over and we have brunch and hit the local bookshops the next morning.

People (mostly women) are always telling me “get out there”, “never give up”, “you’ll meet someone” and that has been going on for a very long time.  But I don’t think I will meet someone.  I think I was lucky enough to experience at least once in my life time, really deeply loving someone and having children with that someone and even though that love didn’t last, I’m glad I had it.

So I accept that for me, it’s just going to be me.  But I have two wonderful children who I love more than anything. I  have friends for whom I feel a deep love and so there’s plenty of love in my life.   I’ve decided I would rather nurture what I have instead of pining for something that will almost certainly never happen.