I haven’t blogged for a while so it’s interesting (at least to me) that the first post I’ve written for some time, about giving up on love, directly follows the post I wrote about dating again. Which I’ve given up on. Again.
When I was younger I believed there was someone for everyone and that eventually you would meet that someone. Which I did. Then we got married and it changed very quickly afterwards and it turned out that someone wasn’t my one after all. After the sadness started to ebb away and I got a bit excited about being single again I hit the dating scene and I eventually realised that for me, it just wasn’t going to work. I’ve been out on too many dates to count here (although keep your eyes peeled for my new book about this very subject… due out just as soon as I finish writing it) and I’ve met at least one man that I liked very much but that is all. There really hasn’t been anyone else. That’s one hell of a dry spell my friends!
Recently I started listening to Dan Savage, an eye opening, jaw dropping experience if every there was one. Most of what he talks about I have to Google to find out what it means, but I’ve come to share one of his views. That whilst there is probably more than one someone for everyone (there has to be right? I mean what if your person was born on the other side of the world and neither of you ever travel..hardly anyone would ever meet up), there are some people for whom the single life is the life they are going to lead. This is the life I’m pretty sure I am going to lead and this is okay. Admittedly, I do miss sex. I miss it a lot, a really, really lot. You know how they say that women in their 40’s are in their prime? I believe this to be absolutely true so it’s extra difficult to go without (at least in the traditional sense) but I know myself well enough to know that I can’t just bonk and say bye-bye. So there will be no one nighters for me, because even in my fantasies the guy stays over and we have brunch and hit the local bookshops the next morning.
People (mostly women) are always telling me “get out there”, “never give up”, “you’ll meet someone” and that has been going on for a very long time. But I don’t think I will meet someone. I think I was lucky enough to experience at least once in my life time, really deeply loving someone and having children with that someone and even though that love didn’t last, I’m glad I had it.
So I accept that for me, it’s just going to be me. But I have two wonderful children who I love more than anything. I have friends for whom I feel a deep love and so there’s plenty of love in my life. I’ve decided I would rather nurture what I have instead of pining for something that will almost certainly never happen.